“Good & Plenty” prides itself on only being 120 calories. Don’t be fooled there are 5 serving per movie theatre size box… I don’t even like Good & Plenty’s I just finished the box cause I thought I could.
So who’s problem is worse? that, or this baby’s.
The guys I lived with had serious first world problems. First of all, it’s not graduation day. Erik lost all three of his jackets (in a single week…) and resorted to wearing this graduation robe (which is normally only used as a judge costume for themed parties). Although you can’t see it, the cap is because it’s his last day of his fall semester… of his 3rd year. Please note that he’s also eaten (literally) 18 clementines, leaving me with an empty crate— consequently my first world problem of the day.
Today’s first world problem is completely unbelievable, but it’s a first hand story from a credible source so take it or leave it…
SO Mary page’s friend (who is apparently definitely not a pathological liar) has a cousin that is mentally disabled but capable of living on his own. Even so, the family calls every day to check up and make sure he’s OK. One day, her cousin mentioned his “troll” and the family’s reaction was something along the lines of “cooool… you have a troll? That’s really nice.” Every subsequent day however, the cousin continued to talk about his “troll,” in contexts that became more and more suspicious… so one of the family members decided to check out the sich. Upon arrival, they found a JEHOVAH WITNESS, who happened to be a MIDGET (ahem… “little person”), tied up in a CLOSET. TRAPPED IN A CLOSET!!
Can you imagine this poor little person trying to convince this large man he’s in fact not a Troll…
I think they live in California. Figures.
Craig and I stood at work, staring in dismay at the ice cream spades before us. He looked up and said, with such visible pain that I thought he would keel over and give birth to a baby elephant, “Everything is covered in chocolate.” Sad face.
Given, this could quickly escalate into a third world problem if everything were to be covered in chocolate, thus poisoning every dog and suffocating every man, woman and child.
Today I stumbled upon a ubiquitous problem that nobody will ever solve: the inflation of the exclamation mark.
For example, today I wanted to text “When I go home, I’ll make it for you.” But the absurd, crazy disposition of the average texter has totally transformed how my texts are interpreted. As far as pop-trends are concerned, my lack of 2 exclamations indicated complete hatred. In 2003, “Can’t wait to see you,” meant “Can’t wait to see you.” If you added an exclamation mark, it meant “we’re fucking best friends” and if you put more than three it meant you were socially inept or had a personality disorder.
NOW:
“Can’t wait to see you!!!!!” = “I Can’t wait to see you.”
And “Can’t wait to see you.” = “Fuck you”
So… what if I want to sound warm, but not inappropriately excited. It’s just so terrible… americans can’t suppress their need to one-up each others social excitement, so I’m going to have to invent punctuation. STOP ESCALATING SYMBOLS WITH SOCIAL RELEVANCE YOU ARE RUINING PEOPLES LIVES.
I know you all care deeply about this.
Quote of the week by Becky’s friend, who i’ve never met:
“I’m getting so fat and I don’t care. Pizza for breakfast, ice cream for dinner. If it isn’t covered in cheese or whip cream then I am not digesting it this week unless it’s tequila or Motrin. My pilates instructor told me I smell like marinara sauce AGAIN and instead of water I brought Sprite. I just don’t give a fuck. I fucking hate pilates.” - Christin
This video has little to do with my current first world problems, but I do sympathize with Eddie— there’s nothing I hate more than gas stations. I’m just too lazy… it’s the worst thing that could happen to you really… running out of gas… It just takes so long and I’m always forgetting my receipt… most of the time I pop the hood instead of the gas cap. It’s just awful. Anyways:
The real tragic problem of the day is… ANTS. A Coincidentally similar problem to the one ”Amy” has in “Honey I Shrunk the Kids.” I’m not sure what kind of a problem being shrunk by a robot is though. -1st world problem? Space problem. I think it’s safe to say it was a grave problem. Almost as grave as ants eating my easter candy…
First World Problem of the day:
1. I have so many road trip options during June, that I’m going to miss my best friend’s birthday (seen here having a few first world problems of her own— e.g. forgetting to paint half of her nails after setting her hair on fire recreationally).
Waste of my tuition: The Decorations in the back room at Clark. It looks like a rando janitor was alloted 500 dollars and 2 minutes to glean from TJ-Max enough home decor to decorate a small warehouse. I bet no one would stop me if I walked out with one of the fake flower arrangements… think about it… i BET no one would.
This post is dedicated to Rachel Deans and Rebecca Desmond… my entire target audience/the only people who will ever know about this blog.
First world problem of the day:1. I wanted to watch “Honey We Shrunk Ourselves” last night, but I fell asleep.
Actually today, unlike all other days, I have a 3rd world problem, THERE IS NO WATER IN MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE. Having to take your anti-acids dry is most definitely a… 2 and 1/2 world problem at least. Also there’s a rodent in my bathroom, which has always been a 3rd world problem. Its like… Papua New Guinea… in 1920.
Daily waste of my tuition money: 12 copies of “Elf” in Robertson Media Center. Please explain to me why tuition’s going up by $1000, and still, $250 worth of Will Ferrell in christmas attire is readily available. They better have been donated… UVA needs a yard sale.
